Tossing and turning, I tried to go back to sleep, willing the troubled thoughts to just go away. Glancing at the clock by my bed, I saw that it was only 4:30 am. I still had plenty of time to sleep before a new school day began. But my troubled mind would not rest.
"Why not now? Why not now? Why not come to Jesus now?"
The lyrics of the Sunday AM invitation song rang in my ears. What was wrong with me?
The week before a new school year had begun, and with it had come a chapel message on salvation each day.
"How shall we escape if we neglect so great a salvation?"
"The Savior is waiting to enter your heart. Why don't you let Him come in?" My Dad's offertory song that he had been practicing the day before played back in my mind. I needed the Lord to enter my heart. I knew that. I wanted that. I had tried for sooooo long to get by in life being a good little girl. Although I had heard countless messages about how you could never be good enough to get to Heaven on your own merit, I couldn't help but wonder if the Lord would make an exception for me.
Down deep inside, I knew He could not -would not.
What was holding me back??
As time slowly ticked by, I finally heard footsteps down the hallway, entering the living room. "Great!" I thought, "My Dad is awake. I've got to talk to someone!"
I leaped out of bed and walked down the hallway as quickly as I could. There was my Dad getting ready to start his devotions. Startled to find me awake so early, he waited for me to sit down, and say with a trembling voice, "I know I need to be saved. I just don't know how. I don't know what to do. I can't figure it out!"
He showed me in the Bible the verse where it says that God's ways are not our ways, neither are His thoughts our thoughts. "You can't figure out salvation, Becky," he said, "God doesn't ask you to. He just wants you to come to Him and trust Him."
He handed me a "Which Road" pamphlet and told me to go back to my room, and read it over. The verses inside the pamphlet were familiar verses that I had heard all my life, but at the end of the pamphlet, these words caught my attention - Your choice is clear - it is either sin or Christ. What will you do? Receive Christ now into your heart as your Lord and Savior and have eternal life OR reject Him now and continue on your road to Hell?
I knew that I wanted Christ. I realized that all the "good things" I had ever done, would never be enough to earn my way to Heaven. I knew Christ was the only way. I knelt by my bed to pray, but a little nagging voice inside me, stopped me - God won't save you, the voice said, Yes, He has saved other people, but you are the exception. He won't save you.
Startled, I listened to the little nagging voice that was whispering this lie to me, and I ran to my parent's room. Pacing around their room, I just started repeating all the things this little voice (better known as the devil) was trying to convince me of. God didn't want to save me. I was the only one who would never have this free gift. Everyone else could have it except me. I literally was getting sick to my stomach with all these thoughts. A feeling of complete hopelessness was just washing over me. My parents told me, "Becky, you are in a battle. The devil doesn't want you to get saved, and he and the Lord are fighting for you now. Whatever you do, Becky, do NOT let Satan win!"
With the feeling of complete hopelessness still raging strong within me, I headed off to school, knowing I was going to have a horrible day.
How would I survive another message of salvation???
As the chapel message got started, I got out my sermon notebook as we were required to do, and braced myself for another "torture hour". Pastor Hammett started preaching on knowing God's will for your life. My heart stopped pounding rapidly, and I began to settle down to a message geared towards people who were already saved. However, the Lord had something else in mind. The next words out of Pastor's mouth were, "It's not God's will that you remain lost."
That simple statement jerked me awake. It wasn't God's will that I remain lost? You mean, He really does desire that I - Becky - get saved?? I am not an exception?! Although that convinced me that the Lord really did want to save me, I still had the nagging question - How?
As if Pastor Hammett was reading my thoughts, he looked straight at me, and asked, "Becky, if I asked you to come up here, what would you do?" Startled, and rather embarrassed that he had singled me out, I mumbled, "I would come up there." Looking at everyone, he then said, "That is all God asks - that we come to Him."
The rest of the message was a blur. I just knew that no matter what, I was NOT going to leave the room without talking to someone afterward. At the end of the message, Pastor gave an invitation and said that if you wanted to talk to someone, please remain seated while everyone else leaves. I clung to that seat with white knuckles. I didn't care how many of my friends were climbing over me. I didn't care what anyone else thought. I HAD to get this settled. Kristin soon came, and we went into the side room to talk.
Seriously, at that point, I was completely lost. I knew I needed the Lord, but so much fear was holding me back. The deceiving whispers of the devil still troubled me. What if I pray and the Lord doesn't save me? What if I make a "false profession"? I told Kristin about my fears, and she told me that I had to ask God to save me, BELIEVING that He would. If I didn't truly believe that He would save me, I was really guilty of unbelief. She showed me the verse John 3:18, He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.
When she showed me that verse, it was like a "light bulb" suddenly was turned on inside my mind. That was all I had to do?? All I had to do was ask, believing that God would save me??? She asked me if I wanted to pray or just leave, and I told her that if I left again, saying "No" to God, I probably would not have another chance. I then closed my eyes and prayed a simple prayer. I don't remember the words, or even if the words I said made any sense, but it wasn't the prayer that would save me - it was the Lord. After I opened my eyes, I must confess, I expected fireworks or something to just explode inside me. Kristin then quoted Romans 10:13, For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved. A calming peace (instead of fireworks) then flooded my heart. I had called upon the name of the Lord, and I had to trust that His Word was true, and that He had truly saved me.
My new life had started.
Ten years ago today, that was my story. I hope everyone who is reading this can think back to a time in their life when they had a similar story happen to them! If not, I pray that you will not wait another day to get it settled. Remember - It's not God's will that you remain lost another day!
"Why not now? Why not now? Why not come to Jesus now?"
The lyrics of the Sunday AM invitation song rang in my ears. What was wrong with me?
The week before a new school year had begun, and with it had come a chapel message on salvation each day.
"How shall we escape if we neglect so great a salvation?"
"The Savior is waiting to enter your heart. Why don't you let Him come in?" My Dad's offertory song that he had been practicing the day before played back in my mind. I needed the Lord to enter my heart. I knew that. I wanted that. I had tried for sooooo long to get by in life being a good little girl. Although I had heard countless messages about how you could never be good enough to get to Heaven on your own merit, I couldn't help but wonder if the Lord would make an exception for me.
Down deep inside, I knew He could not -would not.
What was holding me back??
As time slowly ticked by, I finally heard footsteps down the hallway, entering the living room. "Great!" I thought, "My Dad is awake. I've got to talk to someone!"
I leaped out of bed and walked down the hallway as quickly as I could. There was my Dad getting ready to start his devotions. Startled to find me awake so early, he waited for me to sit down, and say with a trembling voice, "I know I need to be saved. I just don't know how. I don't know what to do. I can't figure it out!"
He showed me in the Bible the verse where it says that God's ways are not our ways, neither are His thoughts our thoughts. "You can't figure out salvation, Becky," he said, "God doesn't ask you to. He just wants you to come to Him and trust Him."
He handed me a "Which Road" pamphlet and told me to go back to my room, and read it over. The verses inside the pamphlet were familiar verses that I had heard all my life, but at the end of the pamphlet, these words caught my attention - Your choice is clear - it is either sin or Christ. What will you do? Receive Christ now into your heart as your Lord and Savior and have eternal life OR reject Him now and continue on your road to Hell?
I knew that I wanted Christ. I realized that all the "good things" I had ever done, would never be enough to earn my way to Heaven. I knew Christ was the only way. I knelt by my bed to pray, but a little nagging voice inside me, stopped me - God won't save you, the voice said, Yes, He has saved other people, but you are the exception. He won't save you.
Startled, I listened to the little nagging voice that was whispering this lie to me, and I ran to my parent's room. Pacing around their room, I just started repeating all the things this little voice (better known as the devil) was trying to convince me of. God didn't want to save me. I was the only one who would never have this free gift. Everyone else could have it except me. I literally was getting sick to my stomach with all these thoughts. A feeling of complete hopelessness was just washing over me. My parents told me, "Becky, you are in a battle. The devil doesn't want you to get saved, and he and the Lord are fighting for you now. Whatever you do, Becky, do NOT let Satan win!"
With the feeling of complete hopelessness still raging strong within me, I headed off to school, knowing I was going to have a horrible day.
How would I survive another message of salvation???
As the chapel message got started, I got out my sermon notebook as we were required to do, and braced myself for another "torture hour". Pastor Hammett started preaching on knowing God's will for your life. My heart stopped pounding rapidly, and I began to settle down to a message geared towards people who were already saved. However, the Lord had something else in mind. The next words out of Pastor's mouth were, "It's not God's will that you remain lost."
That simple statement jerked me awake. It wasn't God's will that I remain lost? You mean, He really does desire that I - Becky - get saved?? I am not an exception?! Although that convinced me that the Lord really did want to save me, I still had the nagging question - How?
As if Pastor Hammett was reading my thoughts, he looked straight at me, and asked, "Becky, if I asked you to come up here, what would you do?" Startled, and rather embarrassed that he had singled me out, I mumbled, "I would come up there." Looking at everyone, he then said, "That is all God asks - that we come to Him."
The rest of the message was a blur. I just knew that no matter what, I was NOT going to leave the room without talking to someone afterward. At the end of the message, Pastor gave an invitation and said that if you wanted to talk to someone, please remain seated while everyone else leaves. I clung to that seat with white knuckles. I didn't care how many of my friends were climbing over me. I didn't care what anyone else thought. I HAD to get this settled. Kristin soon came, and we went into the side room to talk.
Seriously, at that point, I was completely lost. I knew I needed the Lord, but so much fear was holding me back. The deceiving whispers of the devil still troubled me. What if I pray and the Lord doesn't save me? What if I make a "false profession"? I told Kristin about my fears, and she told me that I had to ask God to save me, BELIEVING that He would. If I didn't truly believe that He would save me, I was really guilty of unbelief. She showed me the verse John 3:18, He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.
When she showed me that verse, it was like a "light bulb" suddenly was turned on inside my mind. That was all I had to do?? All I had to do was ask, believing that God would save me??? She asked me if I wanted to pray or just leave, and I told her that if I left again, saying "No" to God, I probably would not have another chance. I then closed my eyes and prayed a simple prayer. I don't remember the words, or even if the words I said made any sense, but it wasn't the prayer that would save me - it was the Lord. After I opened my eyes, I must confess, I expected fireworks or something to just explode inside me. Kristin then quoted Romans 10:13, For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved. A calming peace (instead of fireworks) then flooded my heart. I had called upon the name of the Lord, and I had to trust that His Word was true, and that He had truly saved me.
My new life had started.
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Ten years ago today, that was my story. I hope everyone who is reading this can think back to a time in their life when they had a similar story happen to them! If not, I pray that you will not wait another day to get it settled. Remember - It's not God's will that you remain lost another day!
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